Shift
Chapter One
“Hey, it’s
me. I’m just calling to let you know that Thad ambushed me. Apparently, this time, he’s really shipping
me off to my estranged grandparent’s house in New Mexico. I don’t even know them, never met them,
ever. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you
bye, so…bye.” Phaedra was actually glad that Liam hadn’t answered. She was afraid that hearing his voice might
truly push her over the edge. So, instead, Phaedra continued to hold back the
tears that were threatening to spill over her eyes, and when she swallowed the
lump in her throat wouldn’t budge.
Feeling strangely overwhelmed with this new turn of events she stared
out at the Bay. Phaedra refused to turn
her head in her brother’s direction, Thad, who sat next to her while speeding
down the Parkway. Phaedra’s head jerked
as he wove in and out of traffic confidently. He was taking Phaedra to JFK
International. She truly never believed that he would follow through with his threats,
but it was becoming blatantly apparent to Phaedra that he really was.
Hate, disappointment, and pride
engulfed her, so much so, that she couldn’t tell Thad what she really wanted to,
and that was that she was sorry for
behaving the way she had. She wanted to
cry out, look him in the eyes, and beg him not to do it. She wanted him to turn his car around and
take her home. She wanted to promise
she’d be better, and, she actually wanted to be better. But Phaedra hadn’t cried, promised, or
apologized for anything she’d done in a very long time. If she’d have believed
her actions would have driven Thad to this point, she would have never been as
rebellious as she had been. Except, she truthfully
thought he’d never follow through with this particular threat, he’d never followed
through before.
For a long time now Phaedra could do
whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Thad was never home to stop her and,
when he tried, his punishments were miniscule and tolerable. He was just too busy traveling all over the
country running their father’s excelling company to really be a true parental
figure to her. Now he was insisting that
she live with their Grandfather and Grandmother Howl on some remote Reservation
in New Mexico. She would do anything to
stay with him, anything except tell him so.
Thad was the only family she really
had left. Now Thad was going to send her
to live with perfect strangers? They
might be her grandparent’s but Phaedra wouldn’t know what they looked like. They hadn’t even come to the funeral.
“Phaedra,” Thad’s voice broke into
her thoughts. She didn’t budge, didn’t
look at him, nor did she answer. His drastic
decision to send her away hurt terribly, and so, like so many times before, she
was determined to defy him.
Phaedra willed her features to stay motionless
and unreadable. The sun was hovering over the towering skyscrapers casting flickering
geometric shadows across her face. “I
know you don’t think so now but this is for the best. I can’t be there for you
like you need, and, you just keep on getting into trouble,” he said in
frustration while veering right to exit the Parkway. “I’d like to have a life of my own you know….one
where I didn’t have to worry about you all the time. I am twenty seven years old and all I ever do
is constantly worry about you, Phaedra. I
Worry if you’ve snuck out when you should be home, or if you have skipped out
of school while I am at work, or if you’ll come home with another tattoo. To be honest, Phaedra, I’m surprised that you
haven’t turned up pregnant or dead.”
Phaedra winced. Thad’s last remark cut through her. Mechanically, Phaedra turned her head to look
at him, a deep scowl creasing her beautiful features.
“The kids you hang out
with…Phaedra. Why? It’s just not fair to me.” Thad questioned in
frustration. He paused while waiting for
a response from his little sister but when he didn’t receive one he let out a
sigh, and in a more somber manner, went on.
“I should have just sent you to live with them right after mom and dad
died. I don’t know what I was doing
thinking I could be your legal guardian.
I was so young then. I am still
too young for this sort of thing.”
The tears she had been fiercely
holding back finally spilled over her cheeks. Phaedra wiped at them in frustration turning
away from him again, glaring out the window with a dark scowl. She was hurt that he didn’t want her, hurt
that he had given up on her.
“What is this? Are you crying?” Thad said in surprise. “I
didn’t think Phaedra cried.”
Phaedra pulled her hoodie up and
turned her head as far as it would go making sure that her brother couldn’t see
any part of her face. Then she placed
the earplugs to her iPod in her ears and cranked up the music. She was sorely wounded that he would assume
the worst of her. Sure she was drawn to unusual
people, she couldn’t help that she liked eccentric types, they were interesting
to her. It always seemed that wherever
she went she was drawn to trouble. But,
she was more of an observer than a participant, and it hurt that he would think
she was involved in sex and drugs. Though
she would never discuss such things with Thad, she was still a virgin. She also detested feeling out of control, so
the thought of taking a drug to induce such feelings was not appealing to her. She
let the pain his doubt inflicted seep into her heart and then Phaedra turned
the hurt into something she could handle, anger, rage, and disconnect. In that moment, Phaedra swore never to talk
to Thad again. He was the only true
family she had left and he had turned on her when she needed him the most.
Phaedra knew she was utterly messed
up somehow. She enjoyed things that
others did not. Like some sort of predator
she stocked, and preyed on others weaknesses, feeling very satisfied when turmoil
broke out. All her life a struggle had
brewed within her, one where she could either answer the call of some
instinctual, carnal emotion, or simply not.
She was certain the battle was so much more powerful than what other
teenagers around her were going through, but she couldn’t explain why. How could she tell her brother, or anyone,
how she felt, and what she was dealing with when she couldn’t even articulate
it? And if she could they would think
her insane. So she hid behind a defiant mask.
Hanging out with people who were
irresponsible took the pain away, or at least dulled it some, and if they entertained
her while doing so, the better.
Mayhem, drama, tension, and the electricity
from a conflict, or a gathering crowd thrilled her something fierce. Lately, her reaction was becoming more and
more reasonable, easier for her to accept.
When both your parents die in a plane crash at the age of eleven,
becoming emotionally messed up was something that just happened. Phaedra never even had the chance to say
goodbye. They had left unexpectedly one
winter’s day to see to a family emergency while she was naively sitting in
school. One of the plane’s
engines ignited, crashing into a remote mountain range. Their bodies were ruined, burned, and dismembered
beyond recognition. In fact, any charred
parts of them that were recovered had to be cremated. Their ashes were spread out over the deep
Brackish loughs of Ireland, her father’s beloved home, and the very place they
were headed. Phaedra still kept the
note her mother had hurriedly scribbled and left on the kitchen counter in
their pent house apartment. Phaedra, we had
to leave to Ireland we will call and explain when we can. The Millers said you could stay with them
until we come back. Love you, mom and
dad. The nightmares of it all still plagued
her. Lately Phaedra had begun to accept
that she was simply different because of this traumatic experience in her life,
deciding to let go of her inner turmoil and just give in and accept the fierce
pull she felt towards chaos.
Thad reached across the car daring
to put a hand on her shoulder. The
minute Phaedra felt his touch she pulled away, shrugging his hand off. “I’m sorry, Phaedra. I just can’t do it anymore,” he said, even
though his words fell on deaf ears.
I can't wait to read this one!!
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